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Posts Tagged ‘Sandy Aftermath’

Hi Friends!

Just a short Saturday post before our day really gets started.  I’m feeling MUCH better today.  There’s a slight pain in my lower stomach and a little headache (most likely from dehydration), but I’m happy that I can at least walk around today without getting light headed.  It’s a good thing that my health turned around for the better because there is SO MUCH that has to be done around this place.  It was difficult for me to sit around yesterday knowing that Rob was running around like a crazy person trying to get things done.  I tried to go up into that attic at one point to check on something and was scolded like a child.  I definitely have my mother’s genes.  I don’t know how to rest.  Anyone else have that problem?

Currently, Rob’s father and brother are here helping him out with some electrical work and other odds and ends that need to be completed.

Dad F

MFRob

I have no clue how to do any of that stuff, so in between running around as a gopher I’m writing our “To Do” list while sipping on a Starbucks Venti Awake Tea (and writing to you, of course). 

To Do

The tea was surely needed after what my body has been through over the past few days.  I craved it this morning!  There were so many things that I wanted to drink while I was sick, but all I could ever take in was a small sip, at most.  Hopefully, I’m done with sickness for the remainder of the year.  Rob and I were both sick two weeks ago with more of an upper respiratory cold, but this stomach bug really wiped us out! Sad smile

My real skills will come into action this afternoon when we go shopping for the house. Bed, Bath & Beyond HERE WE COME! Yay!!  The “To Buy” list is even longer than our “To Do” list, if you can imagine that!

I’m looking forward to a few months from now when things are “normal” and we don’t have random people walking around our house, piles of wood scattered all over the place, plastic over our couches, sawdust that gathers over my freshly washed counters and appliances no matter how many times I wipe them down…ERRRRR!!!, and a complete set of furniture to fill our house. 

wood

For now though, I’m treasuring that we are back home.  All of these little things will eventually fall into place.  I’m grateful that the hardest part of this journey is behind us and that we made it through such a traumatic experience as a strong and united couple.  It’s easy to be happy and make things work when life is good, but you see people’s true colors when times get bad.  I refused to leave Rob’s side, even when he tried to push me to move back to CT with my mom.  That would have been the easy way out.  When you’re a couple you stick it through in good times AND bad.

Ok, I’m being summoned again and must run.  Have a wonderful weekend!

~Kim

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Hey There!

It’s been a while, huh?  I wasn’t sure if I’d even remember how to sign into my account to blog. Winking smile

I’ve been home sick the past two days.  Rob caught a nasty stomach bug and lovingly passed it on to me.  I can normally tolerate pain pretty well, but yesterday I was literally moaning in bed and could barely pick my cell phone up to catch up on my favorite blogs or browse through the Twitter-sphere. The most I could do was lay on the blow-up mattress that we’ve been sleeping on and every so often look up to watch The Real Housewives of Orange County marathon that was playing in the background.   I’m definitely not 100% today, but I’m better than yesterday.  At least I was able to get up and take a shower today and not feel like a total slob.

While I’m not home for the best of reasons, I figured I would turn the time off into a positive and blog since I haven’t been able to in what seems like forever.  So much has happened since I last posted!

I’ll start with the best news.  Last Sunday night we slept at HOME for the first time in four months, since Hurricane Sandy!  I can’t even put into words what a wonderful feeling that was.  It felt VICTORIOUS!  I wanted to shout “F-U Sandy!”  We still have a lot to do, but we’re “almost there”. 

HappyBed

KitchenDining Room

Living Room

I promise I’ll do a full post about Hurricane Sandy in the future.  For now, I’m cherishing being back home.  I can’t wait to cook our first real dinner on the new stove.  So far, only soup and an omelet have been made, since one or both of us have been sick since moving back in.

Wednesday night I took my fourth and final IIN exam.  Something told me to take the exam that night.  Originally I was planning to do it yesterday and that would not have been fun, being sick and all.  Anyway, I passed!  As of today I’m a IIN Grad and a health counselor.  Yay!  I can’t wait to take this certification and do something with it.  The little wheels in my brain are turning.  It’s going to take some time, but I WILL make it happen!

You know, part of what I learned in my IIN courses is that we can’t let taking care of others get in the way of also taking the time to take care of ourselves.  We have to know when to reach out for support.  I’ve always been very open on the blog about my issues with disordered eating.  I still struggle, even though the issues seem to come in waves and aren’t constant.  The entire situation with Sandy threw me for a loop.  I didn’t deal well.  I kept all of my anxiety and frustration bottled up, except for a few explosions I had in front of Rob (poor guy), which resulted in my disordered eating to rear its nasty head.  Now that we are back home I’m able to focus more on myself.  The other day I knew it was time for me to do something about it.  So, I reached for support and am excited to start working on my issues as of this Monday with a trained professional.  It’s going to take work, but I’m ready for it.  I’m not going to allow this to control my life any longer!

Another thing I learned throughout my studies is that we must push past our fears

BS

Being a shy person, I tend to hold myself back a lot.  I don’t like doing new things on my own.  I’ll come up with a million excuses not to do something that I really want to do, all because of fear.  One of the things on my bucket list was to try kickboxing.  I tried persuading my sister and a few friends, but I could tell that no one was going to pull through for me.  Either I was going to do it alone or not do it at all.  I signed up online randomly one Thursday for an introductory 3 pack of sessions and I haven’t looked back since.  Pushing myself in that moment was one of the best things I could have done for myself.  I walked out of that first class so proud of myself and honestly smile every time I go to class, knowing how hard it was for me on that first day and how this is now part of my new norm.

photo

I LOVE going to class, having that hour of me-time all to myself, and getting a good sweat on in the process.

Workout Fun

I feel my body getting stronger just from going 2-3 times per week.  I also think that for someone like me who bottles everything up, punching and kicking a bag as hard as I want is good for me.  It allows me to get some of my built up frustrations out.  My boss told me not to get too good. LOL.  I don’t know what he’s afraid of. Winking smile

Ok, it’s time for me to lay down again.  This bug is really kicking my toosh!  Have a wonderful weekend and be ready for regular blog posting starting in the coming week.

~Kim

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Hey Guys!

Mixed emotions have made for a very confused Kim lately.  Poor Rob never knows when tears might be sprung upon him and Saturday morning just happened to be one of those days.  I tend to think a lot without expressing my feelings.  Then, one day, when I can’t take the thoughts anymore I let it all out like an erupting volcano.

Volcano

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This time the tears were feelings about not having a purpose in life.

purpose

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I feel like I’m on the road to finding what I’m meant to do, yet I’m just not there yet. The hurricane totally interrupted certain plans that I had for myself. I feel like I can’t truly focus on my goals because life is topsy-turvy right now. I HATE doing anything half-assed. I guess I can be an all or nothing type of person.

When the tears started to flow I mentioned giving up the blog.  I have all of these grand ideas of what this blog can be, but I haven’t had the time to dedicate to it and make it that visualization yet.  I don’t know what I was originally thinking.  I barely have time to read my favorite blogs, never mind writing my own and making it something special. 

It’s that perfectionist tendency that continues to get in my way.  Rob pointed out that this isn’t my job, nor is my wanting to have a body like a fitness model.  These are just things that I strive to do in my life and maybe my goals aren’t realistic.  I put a lot of pressure on myself to make things a certain way, but don’t give myself credit for what I actually do well.  I always seem to focus on what could be better.  I know I’m not the only one that does this to themselves.  We really have to learn to treat ourselves the way we’d treat others and give ourselves some slack.

Our living situation doesn’t allow me to do my beloved baking or get creative with meals and that contributes to me not being able to make this blog what I envision it to one day be.  That doesn’t mean I have to stop and wait until that day when we finally get to move back home.  I’m going to do what I can for the time being and keep those grand ideas for the near future. 🙂

As for feelings of not having a purpose in life, that’s going to take some work.  Aside from Rob, family and a few friends my life is feeling kind of unfulfilled.  I think that’s part of the reason I keep going back to wanting to compete in a fitness show.  It gives me a goal to work toward, even though it might not be the healthiest thing for someone with disordered eating to strive for.  Rob and my family have spoken up that they don’t agree with this goal for myself.  I swing back and forth between what to do.  I see and understand their point of view.  They just want me to be healthy and happy.  That’s what I want for myself, as well.

I think that instead of striving for body perfection, I need to stay focused on what will fulfill me as a person. 

find purpose

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I don’t have many friends out here in Long Island, but haven’t really put myself out there to meet new people. If Rob goes out with friends or is away on a business trip I’m just left alone.  Being alone can be nice at times.  In fact, I sometimes welcome it; however, sometimes you want to hang out with a friend, do girly things, go to a movie, or try a restaurant or activity that Rob would never try.  If my mom and siblings were closer I’d totally have a crew of people to choose from. There are A LOT of us!!  I’m painfully shy, so making friends has always been difficult for me. I find it even tougher at this stage of my life, as most people already have their set of friends and life is busy with raising a family and work.

Side note: I’ve always been a bit insecure with myself.  For many years, when I was younger and in school, I was teased for my appearance.  I was basically the brown-haired version of Drew Barrymore in Never Been Kissed.

I did have a better prom dress though. Give me some credit. ;)

I did have a better prom dress though. Give me some credit. 😉

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That’s what started the drive in me for body perfection.  I thought that if I lost the weight got contacts, took the braces off and straightened my hair everything would fall into place. We all know the reality of that though, right? In fact, after I lost the weight my sophomore year of high school girls were sometimes even meaner to me.  Some people who had been my friend when I was heavier dropped me.  I was so confused.  At the time, I thought something was wrong with ME.  Looking back, I know it was the insecurities that they had within themselves that caused them to be that way.  I was (and still do) look to myself for the issue when the issue isn’t always with me.  ~End of Side Note

However, if I start doing activities that I’m interested in (yoga, baking classes, ceramics/crafts, etc) I’ll at least be around other people who have similar interests and might even make a friend or two.  I just have to take that step!

There’s more to life than working out, going to work, paying bills, cleaning & putting pressure on yourself to be a certain way.  Somewhere along the way, I lost sight about what life is truly about. For years, my focus has been on getting my body to a certain point so that I could move forward in life and be happy.  I realize how backward that thinking is and how much I’ve been missing out on, as a result.  Maybe, just maybe, if I live my life to the fullest and don’t worry about what others think of me, my body will end up right where it’s meant to be without much effort.

If I truly think about it, that’s the obvious way I SHOULD be living my life!  

  • Instead of waiting to buy new clothes until I lose “X” amount of weight, I should be buying them now in order to feel better about myself.
  • Instead of sitting alone on nights when Rob is away (b/c I’m ashamed of my appearance), leaving me prone to binge eating behaviors, I should be out with friends or enjoying an activity.
  • Instead of worrying about a meal out with friends/family/Rob and ending up with a boring salad and later bingeing on random stuff in the house, I should enjoy what I want in the moment (in moderation, of course) without guilt.

When I look at it I can see the constant cycle which leads me to my bad behaviors and then more shame, taking me further away from the way life is meant to be lived.

Cycle

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Now that I’m conscious of the cycle it’s time to make some changes!

  • My hot yoga classes are purchased. I’ve been to one class so far, but hope to get into a routine so that I see the same faces weekly and maybe make some friends out of it.  It’s a win-win, right?
  • I’m looking into other classes in the area that I might enjoy (baking, cooking, crafts, photography, dance, etc) & actually signing up for them instead of just talking about it.
  • I’m looking for a therapist to help me in my journey to feeling better about myself.
  • Do nice things for myself to help with my self-esteem: new clothes, mani/pedi, consistent hair cuts, etc.
  • I’ll go to the gym for my health and well-being, NOT to look like a competitor.  I also have to be OK with that decision and move on with actually LIVING my life!
  • This blog will remain! I’ll post when and what I can for now and when we FINALLY (please let it be soon, dear lord!) move back home I can continue with my vision.

For now, the purpose of the remainder of my day is to finish all of the projects I should be working on for work, instead of getting these thoughts off my mind. 😉

Have a great day!

~Kim

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Hey There!

Happy Friday to you!

It wasn’t even a complete week at work, yet it really seemed to drag.  I don’t even want to imagine next week, as it’ll be my first full week in the office since before Christmas.  Maybe it’ll surprise me though.  You never know. Staying positive!

Want to know my positive thought of the day? Aside from obviously being happy that it’s Friday, of course!

OUR FLOORS WILL BEGIN TO BE PUT IN THIS WEEKEND!!

OMG, Guys, I can’t tell you how happy I am.  We’re getting so close to being able to move back home.  We still have until at least the end of the month before we’ll be able to get back in there and make our house a home again, but at least I see the light at the end of the tunnel.  We’re almost there!

After the floors we still have to paint, finish the molding, buy furniture and get appliances; however, Rob and I are SO ready to get back home that we’ll move in with a blowup mattress the first chance we can get!  It’ll be nice to have our own space again and not have to live on concrete that is swarming with ants that like to attack me!!

So, that’s what’s making me smile this Friday, how about you?  What’s something positive that you’re looking forward to?

~Kim

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Hi There!

How’s this Friday treating you so far?  Honestly, I can’t believe it’s already Friday.  The days off earlier this week, due to the Christmas holiday, threw my schedule off.  It was refreshing to have so many days off in a row, especially since I got to spend some time with friends and family.  Rob and I also took a HUGE weight off our chests by completing the itemization of the contents in our house that were lost in the storm.  When the last item had been entered and we clicked “save”, Rob and I looked at each other and slapped each other 5.  LOL.  Knowing that we had to finish that spreadsheet really was weighing on our minds ever since Sandy did her damage.  Now, we just have to wait to see what the insurance company says.  Please keep your fingers crossed for us.

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Random Thought of the Day

 Last night, I was in one of my grumpy moods again. 

 

Man, this funk has got to go! 

 

I feel HORRIBLE because when I am down it brings Rob down, as well.  In the past, when I was single, I was able to sulk in my apartment all night and put on a smile during work hours and no one had any clue that I wasn’t as happy as I let on.  Now, it isn’t quite so easy.  I’m still able to put that smile on at work, but when I get home I try to keep it up since Rob is there.  I’m not always able to keep it up though and last night was one of those nights.  I saw the concern in his face.  He just wants me to be happy.  Maybe when we move back into our home I’ll be able to slip out of the funk, but that is about 2 months away.  I can’t torture this poor man (and myself) for that long!

 I keep reminding myself what I stated in yesterday’s post“Focus on the positive and keep busy with those things!”   This weekend I think I’m going to take one of those hot yoga classes that I mentioned.  Next week will be the time to try the boot camp class with my friend from work.  Exercise has always been a great stress reliever for me. 

I’m also trying to go to bed earlier.  I find that being up too late leads to bad eating behaviors. 

Last night, I left Rob while he watched tv and found my way into the bedroom with a book that I’ve been reading.  I was about 1 ½ pages in when my eyelids grew heavy and I fell asleep.  That was the first full night’s sleep I’ve had in forever.  Lately, I’ve been up until 2, 3 and even 4 in the morning.  My body hated me!  I think that going into the bedroom at a normal hour, even if it isn’t to go to sleep right away, is going to help a lot.

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Now, it’s time to get this work day started.  There are only hours between me and the upcoming long weekend.  Yay!!

 Have a great day!

~Kim

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