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Posts Tagged ‘Healthy Lifestyle’

Hi Guys!

Another day flying by over here.  Work has been completely nutzo ever since I returned from our vacation a few weeks ago.  I feel like….Vacation? What vacation?  Disappointed smile My tan has faded and life has resumed as usual, but good memories were made as well as a new friend. Smile  I can only imagine how stressed I might be right now had I not gone on vacation.  At least I got a lil sunshine before coming back to NY and getting sick…twice.

So, I mentioned in Saturday’s post that I reached out for help with my eating.  For someone like me who has had issues with weight/eating their entire life, giving up control to someone else is extremely scary.  Where has trying to always be in control honestly gotten me though, right?  It seems that I continue in the same vicious cycle and never seem to break free.

In the past I’ve questioned people’s methods and always found reasons why their plan wasn’t going to work for me.  It wasn’t that it wouldn’t work; rather, it all boiled down to me having to give up control over what and the way that I was eating and not wanting to relinquish that control 100%.  I realize that I’m never going to get better that way.  So, although there is a hint of fear in increasing my calories on a constant basis, I’m EXTREMELY excited to see where this takes me hopefully off of this merry-go-round I’ve been on for over 2 decades.  This isn’t a fitness competitor program.  This is just me trying to reach my optimal health in a balanced way so I can be finally be happy and not allow food to control my life anymore.  I’m crossing my fingers that this is the time that everything clicks for me!

Only a few more hours here at the office and then I’ll hurry on to my new found love, KICKBOXING!  I haven’t been to class in over a week, due to being sick.  I can’t wait to get back in their and knock the bag around.  Before my vacation and then getting sick I could tell that I had gotten stronger and my endurance had drastically improved.  Let’s hope that I haven’t lost much in the time that I’ve been out from class.  Aside from getting a great workout, class provides me with an hour that’s completely mine.  I can take my frustrations out on the bag, work to better my conditioning, take it a little easier some days if I’m not feeling 100%, but also get the push in motivation by being in a class with 14 or so other people.  It’s great!  Seriously, when you find an activity that you enjoy it makes a huge difference!

 

I best be off to do that thing called work.  I hope your week is going well!

~Kim

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Hi My Sweets!

I’m still alive.  I know I haven’t been as consistent as I’d like to lately, but things are beginning to turn around for the better here and life is slowly returning to normal.

I have to be honest, I was on a little downward spiral starting a few months before my sister’s wedding in August.  I was upset with myself…A LOT.  My eating was out of control.  I started gaining weight and couldn’t stop from crying all of the time.

Then, Sandy hit.  I had been doing a little better at that point, but the devastation of Sandy just made me feel numb.  Rob was surprised that I was holding it all together, because I tend to be the sensitive/emotional one.  I think that somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that tears and emotions weren’t going to allow me to get through this tough time.  I tried to just take things day by day, be thankful for my job and for the people there supporting me (more people care about me than I ever realized).

Still, the uncontrollable eating ensued.  My clothes got tighter.  It didn’t help that those that were salvaged shrunk.  I felt like a stuffed sausage.

Every morning I felt a sense of panic about what would actually fit that I could wear to work.  I hated the way that I looked and couldn’t bring myself to look in a full length mirror.  At work, I basically hid in my cubicle as much as possible, ashamed of my appearance.  My weight is the last thing I should have been obsessed with at this time.  Let’s face it, there are much more pressing things to be taking care of, right?

No matter what I should or shouldn’t have been worrying about, it was still a reality that the number creeping upward on the scale was effecting me.  First, I reached out to my former fitness coach.  I thought that maybe focusing on something positive, like getting ready for a fitness competition would get me back on track.  That lasted a few days and then my eating demon reappeared in full force.   I was MISERABLEThere was no hiding from this.  It was going to continue getting worse if I didn’t take action.   I didn’t want to worry Rob.  He already had more than enough on his plate.

So, I did what I recommend for all of my friends who are trying to lose some weight and find a healthier lifestyle.  I joined Weight Watchers.  Since I’m really shy and don’t have much time for meetings, I joined as an online member.  I think that tracking PointsPlus is easier on my mind than tracking calories.  Maybe that’s because whenever I tracked what I ate on other sites, I was consumed with getting each macronutrient to a certain percentage (Ex: 40% Carbs, 40% Protein & 20% Fat).  I couldn’t just live in the moment and enjoy a healthy portion of food that I was actually craving.  I was always preoccupied with the numbers and what time of day it was.  Sometimes, when you know too much it can be a bad thing and that’s what it was for me.  My sister and I have a little theory about where all of this stems from and I’ll get more into it in my Thursday Thoughts this week.

Friends, I have a good feeling about this!  I truly do.  I even have a friend of mine doing it with me so we can keep each other accountable.  I feel that with Weight Watchers I can stay on track while enjoying life.  I can enjoy a glass of wine with my sister, as I did last night, and not feel guilty about it.

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I can go out to dinner, cook a full range of recipes for myself and Rob, and enjoy some holiday goodies ALL while continuing to lose weight.  No more feelings of guilt.  I’ll keep up my exercise routine for my cardiovascular health and to shape my muscles, but I won’t be doing it to step on a stage. I can still push myself to run faster/longer and lift heavier, but it doesn’t have to be for a reason other than achieving a new personal best.  I just want to be happy, healthy and the best ME that I can be.  I want to ENJOY my life and not look back with anymore regrets! It can all be mine when I learn proper BALANCE instead of striving for perfection and going to extremes.  Those that love me don’t deserve what I’ve been putting them through.  Heck, I don’t deserve what I’ve been putting myself through all of these years..decades really.  DECADES!!  It is time to move on!

I’ve come to this conclusion many times before in my life.  The conclusion that I just need to find balance with my eating, exercise and other aspects of my life in order to be truly happy.

Somewhere along the way I lose focus.  I’ll be doing great on my balanced plan, losing weight, enjoying life and then I get the ‘great idea’ that I’m going to kick it up a notch’.  That’s when I decide I’m going to become a fitness competitor, go on some crazy plan and end up worse off than had I just stuck to my balanced living.  No More!! 

I made the commitment to myself that This Is It!  A balanced and healthy lifestyle is what I want and what I’m working toward now.  No matter how I feel in a month or two, when I’ve shed this extra weight, there is no crazy diet and fitness plan I’ll be jumping to.  I’m going to walk my talk and do exactly what I tell those that I love.  I mean, I should love and care about myself as much as I do them, right?  ABSOLUTELY!

With that off my chest, I best be going.  I promise to be around more regularly this week.  Oh, and in case you’re wondering, I’m still aiming to complete my New Year, New Me Challenge.

Have a great one!

~Kim

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