Hello? Helloooo???? Anyone still here? I know I’ve been a
horrible awful terrible bad blogger. Everyday life just kind of got in the way of my blogging time. Days turned into weeks and then a month and here we are. Isn’t it scary how quickly time passes? I find that as I get older it moves faster and faster. Sometimes I want to yell SLOW DOWN!
During my absence a whole lot has been happening in this crazy mind of mine. Ever since the hurricane, and truthfully even before then, I was living in an extremely depressed state. There were days I didn’t know how I was going to get out of bed and make it through the work day. Many evenings consisted of me snuggled up next to Rob with tears silently rolling down my cheeks.
I couldn’t put my finger on what exactly was wrong, since I really have nothing to complain about. I have great people in my life who love me, a nice home (that we are finally settling back into), a good job, and good health, yet something was keeping me from being happy.
In my last posts before my blogging hiatus I mentioned giving up control and reaching out for help with my eating issues, dreaming BIG & making things happen. What’s stood in the way of making my dreams come true (and always has) are Me, Myself & I. I always try to accomplish a multitude of goals without really taking care of the main issue at hand. In my case, the issue has always been my disordered eating.
I’m so proud of myself for reaching out for help. For years I’ve been very stubborn, thinking that I could take care of the issue on my own. I knew that I needed to eat more in order to get out of the vicious cycle that was controlling me, but I couldn’t seem to push past the mental fear of eating more. I couldn’t follow the same advice that I was giving others, which I truly believed in. So, I reached out to my nutritionist, Jen, and it’s one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. Truly!
Jen said that I am a “nutritionist’s dream”. I eat all of the right things….just not enough. A few weeks after our initial meeting I was presented with a 7 day meal plan that I will follow continuously until I start making exchanges on my own, down the road. She wants me to stick with the plan exactly, for now, to be sure that I’m getting everything that I need in. On a given day, my plan is anywhere from 300-500 more calories that I had been taking in. Let me tell you that makes a HUGE difference! I can actually make a recipe and eat it now. AMAZING! I no longer count calories or macros, which I had become obsessed with, and just follow my plan as it is laid out for me. My mind is so much clearer now. It isn’t filled constantly with numbers and/or calculating those numbers. I no longer worry about how to skimp during the day, allowing myself enough to eat in the evening, in case I am hungry.
Prior to this, I began to think that I might have to go onto an antidepressant because my depression was so overwhelming and taking over my life. After a few days on my new plan it was as if someone waved a magic wand over me and POOF the depression was gone.
No need for medicine when you are eating enough of the right things. I still can’t believe how quickly everything changed once I was eating enough.
Rob has commented multiple times that I’m like a completely different person and he wants this one to stick around. There have been many times that I’ve been worried that he would want to leave me because I was never happy and, honestly, who wants to be with someone who is never happy? I wouldn’t blame him! There have been times that I’d like to be able to get away from myself, but I’m stuck with myself for life. ;) Haha. Instead of trying to escape from reality I decided to work on myself and it has made such a difference in my life. It’s only been one week and I feel renewed!
There are a few new things happening over here that I’m extremely excited to share with you. It will all come out in time, my friends. For now, I’m happy to report that the depression is gone and I’m ready to LIVE!